Is it Picky Eating or Something More? Where to Start.

Written by Riegan McAuley, RD. Edited by Brooke Bulloch, RD and Robyn Price, RD.

Disclaimer: these are general tips to consider as a launching point. Some of the advice below may not be appropriate for more complex situations. You may require personalized care and attention from one of our pediatric dietitians – Robyn Price or Riegann McAuley.

‘Picky eating’, also known as selective eating (I use these words interchangeably), is a fairly common challenge that most children move through and eventually overcome with a little encouragement and support. I’m Riegann McAuley, and as a dietitian I assess and assist families in achieving more comfortable, curious, and flexible mealtime experiences. In this blog post, I outline what selective eating looks like and when it becomes more severe or concerning. I offer evidence-based strategies to consider as a starting point to support you and your child.

First, a selective eater will eat fewer foods than their siblings and peers, but often:

consumes at least 30 different foods with at least one food from each food group;
accepts a variety of textures;
goes back and forth between accepting and disliking the same food (typically under the age of 4);
tries or interacts with new foods some of the time.

A child who demonstrates extreme and prolonged picky eating consumes a limited variety of foods, and:

does not tolerate the sight or smell of certain foods;
can have very strong emotions at the idea of tasting or even interacting with certain food;
has an overall lack of interest in food and eating;
may fear that something bad may happen when they eat;
may demonstrate low energy, fatigue and irritability;
shows signs of slowed growth, poor immunity, or weight loss. In this case, professional support is likely required.

Either way, picky eating can lead to stressful mealtimes, frustration, and overwhelm for both the child and the parent.

Here are 4 Strategies to Try First:

1) Remove the ‘Picky’ Label

At Food to Fit, we’ve learned that labeling a child as ‘picky’ can be unhelpful at best. Here’s why:

When children repeatedly hear this label applied to them, they start to identify with it. They might say and believe things like ‘I can’t eat that food’ or ‘I only eat crunchy foods.’ This is a barrier to expanding a child’s palate.
The ‘picky’ label also overlooks the underlying reasons for your child’s eating differences. This may include:
- gastrointestinal issues;
- oral-motor challenges;
- nutrient deficiencies;
- neurodivergence or,
- Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID).

Missing these factors often makes caregivers feel like they’re failing or believe the child is merely “stubborn”. Removing the ‘picky’ label might be a crucial first step in validating both you and your child’s experiences.

What can you say or do instead? Try this:

You might refer to your child as being in tune with their unique preferences. This helps validate that your child knows their body and it shows your support.
You might say, “that’s okay, you’re still learning to eat [insert food]” or “you’re just not ready for [insert food] yet” or “it’s okay not to like that food. Your preferences may change with time”.

2) Create a Supportive Mealtime Environment

As a parent/provider, it is helpful to be consistent with expectations around meals and meal routines. For example, when to come together or where meals take place. This creates structure, safety, and predictability. It is also important to make sure the expectations are realistic. Studies show that children and young teens have an attention span of only 15-40 minutes, which is further impacted by fatigue, stress, or distractions. Mealtimes do not need to last any more than 30 minutes, even if your child does not eat as much as you hope within that time frame.

Create a routine that helps the child transition from the task they’re doing to mealtime. A mealtime routine will look different depending on each child’s unique needs. It may include:

washing hands;
helping set the table;
a small activity before mealtime, like hopping or blowing bubbles, especially for kids with higher energy or sensory needs.

During the meal, some kids benefit from using tools and strategies to help cope with big emotions or sensory processing challenges. For example, making use of:

fidgets
a plushie
screen time
music
deep breathing or,
other allowing stimming habits.

Ensure the child’s mealtime seat is comfortable for them. It can be distracting if the child is slouching on a soft seat or if the table is chest high and they can hardly see the food on their plate. For a small child who has outgrown a high chair, you can play around with back support and a footrest so they can comfortably sit upright. Props such as stools, yoga blocks or books are useful. Stability in the mealtime seat can improve your child’s eating experience by providing security and allowing them to focus on the task of eating.

3) Explore Food without Pressure

Pressure at a meal includes anything said or done to “get” your child to eat. Pressure might sound or look like:

“Since you didn’t eat [this], you can’t have [that]” or,
“You are wasting food” or,
Looking visibly disappointed if they don’t want to eat what you made.

However, even pressure that seems positive and encouraging can be unhelpful. For example:

“Good girl! You ate [insert food]!” or,
“If you try this, we can have your favourite dessert.” or,
Telling a child how “good” or “healthy” the food is for their body.

It can take many exposures and experiences before a child accepts or eats a certain food. Create opportunities for kids to explore and experience different foods without pressure to eat. This helps them build familiarity.

Food exploration doesn’t have to happen only at mealtime. For example:

invite your child to help with grocery planning or shopping;
give them a feeling of independence or autonomy – allow them to make a choice between 2-3 options at the grocery store;
invite the child to help put groceries away;
discuss where the food came from (e.g. farm to plate);
get them involved in making a favourite dessert.

These not only teach basic food skills but also allow kids to interact with a variety of foods that has nothing to do with eating the food.

Food exploration and experience can involve more playful techniques if the child shows interest:

discussing the colour and shape of the foods;
making faces and shapes with food;
smelling the food;
chopping, crushing, or mashing food to explore what’s inside;
even touching it or moving it around on a plate with a utensil.
for older kids, discuss sensory qualities of the foods – smell, texture, and flavour (e.g. sweet vs sour).

There are many ways a child can experience food beyond eating or feeling pressure to eat. When we make space for relaxed food exploration, we create space for kids to learn about food at their pace.

4) Try the ‘Love It, Like It, Learning It’ Approach

It is easy to fall into labeling food as “good” or “bad”- so many of us were raised with this notion. However, these beliefs can make eating more confusing than it needs to be and can further limit your child’s intake. No single food on its own can benefit or harm an individual. As the parent/provider, you care about your child’s health and want them to eat nutrient-dense foods to support growth and development. Yet, your child may refuse these same foods. At the same time we are learning that forcing a child to eat non-accepted food creates a stressful environment. So what can you do?

While it is your responsibility to decide what foods to provide to your child, you can also gently accommodate their preferences, using the Love It, Like It, Learning It approach.

What are Love It, Like It, Learning It Foods?
- Love It Foods. Foods your child enjoys, chooses and eats most of the time.
- Like It Foods. Foods your child usually accepts but may eat less often.
- Learning It Foods. Foods your child rarely eats, has not been exposed to, or dislikes.

Here’s how to use this approach.

At a meal, offer at least one Love It food OR one or more Like It foods + a small portion of the food your child is still learning about.
Allow the child to eat snack or treat foods (often Love It foods) as part of regular meals or snacks, in combination with other nutrient-dense options you’re serving.
Continue to role-model and offer the nutrient-dense foods important to your culture and values.

Ultimately, having a familiar or “safe” and accepted food at the meal makes the meal less scary and pressuring. The Love It, Like It, Learning It method helps your child to feel safe while they explore foods they’re unfamiliar with or still getting used to.

The goal is not to have perfect meals or to raise a perfect eater – these concepts don’t exist. The goal is to create an environment where your child feels safe, supported, and free to learn at their own pace. Small shifts to create that foundation can help your child build confidence in their eating, and strengthen their relationship with food – one low-pressure meal at a time. Book your appointment with Riegann here (7-14 years) or Robyn here (6 years and under).

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